Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Its 136am, and i want to blog, but just can't think of what. i hate this feeling. ive been sitting in front of this screen for a while now, and ive come up with nothing. so ive just decided to do some free association writing. you know, typing whatever comes to mind. Everyone here is sleeping. Tonight i am off, yet even still I play the part of nightkeeper. The dog is snoring. as if thats important, but he sounds as though hes sleeping quite well. well that makes one of us. I never have been a good sleeper. my mind is always racing, thinking. I just saw a commercial for Chantrix, a new medicine designed to help one quit smoking. I found it quite disturbing.In it, there is a man who talks about how his family has smoked for at least 3 generations,and he is so glad he broke the cycle. since I am a smoker, this caught my attention, because I want so dseperately to quit. And I even considered getting a presciption. But as i watched more, (I still wanna quit, but not using their meds), The part came where they talked about the side effects of using Chantrix. Strangely vivid dreams(which I already have enough of), suicidal actions or thoughts, agaitation or uncharacteristic mood swings, skin irritations and problems that could become fatal, and if ur on head meds talk to ur doctor first because this could affect the effects of your meds, and i swear the list of hazards went on for like 30 seconds, which is long in TV time. And it got me thinking about all of the other wonder drugs that are created to change our lives. i mean, i see commercials for so many different drugs that are supposed to make us feel better, think better, fuck better, and be better. Then late at night when they think no ones watching, u see that commercial with the seedy greasy lawyer asking you, "If you or a loved one has suffered blah blah or blah from the use of this med, you may be entiled to..."And it got me thinking, sometimes the primary issue, is less painful that the meds it makes to fix it. just like there is a new med to curb the amount of periods a woman has, so much that she may only have 4 a year. now i dont know about you, but tha seems really unnatural. the menstrual cycle is a natural part of a womans life. to have these (remember im a guy), i would think would show a healthy system. It all depends on the particular persons body i suppose. But it just seems really strange to me that a pill is used to subvert what occurs in nature. It seems as thought there is a med to cure everthing that makes us human. You get sad,theres a pill for that. u get gas, theres a pill for that. Want less periods so u can fuck more? theres a pill for that. wanna fuck more? Guess what? got one for that. not big enuff, theres a pill for that. ( which as a man ill tell u. It dont matter how big it is, if u dont know how to work it, it dont mean..."dick"! lol!) There is a pill to fix and control every aspect of our lives as if being human is a sickness. Emotions have become symptoms...And ppl cant understand why pill popping has become a serious addiction. ppl are scared to be human anymore because they tell us its wrong. Its wrong to be sad its, wrong to be 2 glad, its wrong to be small, its wrong to be HUMAN. what are they really trying to do 2 us? And during this whole time, we stand there and take it up the ass with no vaseline. Nobody stands up for anything anymore, unless its ignorant, brash and unhealthy. we hold no one in positions of power accountable for anything. we just bend over and take it, and dont even get a phone call afterwards. when is this gonna end/ whats it gonna take? This is a world where we cheer the bad guy and shit on the good guy.(see:nice guys finish last). Well Im not gonna force my mind tonight to come up with anything clever, so i will end this blog here. Ive got new videos of my show to upload to youtube, so farewell for now my friends, and remember: keep that third eye open, and dont enter 1408. Goodnight.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
It is 2 am and I am at work. Nothing remarkable, nothing special. Because I work the graveyard shift, I miss out on a lot during the day. I sometimes am likened to a vampire. When people see me out during the day, for some reason they seemed shocked, as if I should have melted in front of them. as if they just can't believe their eyes. most of the people I talk to all say the same thing: "I just dont see how you can do that, working overnites like that." Well when you have four children and two baby mamas that depend on you, you learn that its not a want that I do this for, its a necessity. One of the coolest reactions to me working the graveyard shift came from a guest that was staying at the hotel I worked for. He asked how long i had been doing this, and I told him, and he goyt this look on his face as if I had been in some massive disaster and managed to walk away on my own power, after which he said, "Working nights must mess with your mind!' I have to admit, it does. The hotel I work in is very quiet, it sits right off ofa major highway junction, so I get a lotta road weary people, tired truckers, worn out families, and because its the graveyard shift, most people have no room for meaningless chit chat: they just wanna lie down and get some rest. So for the majority of the night, I am alone. no phone calls, no busy lobby. just me and the sound of the hotel. silence. Yes, silence is a sound. In fact, its one of the loudest sounds imaginable. It does not ever allow you to forget its prescence. At times it can be maddening. Hotels have a reputation of being almost a gateway for the supernatural. One must realize that within the walls of each of these 99 rooms, what kind of stories would this hotel tell if it could talk? The building is 35 years old, and I know of at least one death that occured here. To me there is something alluring about what it is that I do here. I almost feel like a Nightkeeper, for we all know the freaks come out at night. But tonght, not a sound, just my breathing and the clicking of the keyboard. but i am digressing from my original point, which you notice i do a lot of. As far as working nites messing with my mind, it certainly does give me time to ponder a myriad of things, which is why i decided to start this blog. i keep so many profound things to myself, that i lose so much of it because i dont share. For instance, when it comes to humanity, there are people who say what they want, there are people who do what they want, and there are those who do nothing at all. What happens when a person who says what they want crosses the path of a person who does what they want? depending on the situation, one ends up in jail, and one ends up in the hospital, but if ur the one that does nothing, you end up exactly where you started from, and that may not always be a good thing, for its been to move somewhere than go nowhere. Another thing Ive been noticing is that Im beginning to feel more and more disconnected from society. And I dont mean that in a looney bin manner, i mean that find myself disgusted my so much of what goes on in society. the way that rudeness has become cool, in this era where everyone is "keepin it real," which to me is just a lame excuse for insecure and drama seeking people to say or do whatever they want, no matter how foolish it makes them look, or how much t destroys another person. people confuse keepin it real with telling the truth, and those are two different things entirely. To sit there and believe this country was built on the virtues of honesty and goodness is to be naive in its most truest form. " Crown thy good with brotherhood.." its been my experience that only the good die young. (Besides, the basic foundation that was laid for this country is real simple: It was founded by a bunch of rich white gyys who didnt want to pay taxes. see Boston Tea Party)These days being good seems to get you nowhere but laughed at and stepped on. Also the lines of good and evil are about as blurry as the image is when ur tryin 2 record porn with a camera phone. whats one persons good, is the next persons bad. it is inherent in human nature to do what it takes to achieve the desired result, this is the way of the world. the sooner people can realize this, the freer they will feel and become. friendships are the largest gauge of deciet. i am reminded of the old addage: To have a good enemy, choose a friend; he knows where to strike. I am all too familiar with this, which is why my list of friends is short. Friends can find a way to use you to their advantage, and take and take and take until theres nothing left but a chalk outline of you. Sometimes your best friend can be your biggest hater. Now there may be some of you wonderful shiny happy people who are basically a stuffed teddy bear made by grandma who are thinking that i have a poor outlook on life, but im just "keepin it real" ;). actually, one speaks according to ones own experiences in life. I do believe that everyone has a degree of goodness, but when opportunity knocks, who's gonna stay at the Starting line when the starter pistol is fired? The way i see it, an ememy is the the biggest motivator one can have, because a good enemy will keep you on your toes. One must stay 2-3 steps ahead at all times. This is healthy for figuring out strategies in life. Life is the ultimate chess game. either do the checkmating, or get checkmated: the choice is yours. It is now 3am, and silence still roams the hallways. This is what a lotta people refer to as the witching hour: a time when the ethereal plane is at its weakest, where the forces of the supernatural can best cross the line to our reality. i have always had a fascination for the supernatural. My late grandma used to tell me stories about growing up in a small alabama town where witches removed their skins to bathe in lakes, and shamans would invoke spirits of the dead. I never liked to consider the notion that my grandma was a liar. she told her stories with so much conviction. everytime she told one of her stories, it seemed as though it had just happened to her the day before, so vivid, so colorful. I remember one story in particular in which she witnessed a man in the middle of the street, looking up at the sky cursing God, and that man could never look down again after that, his head forever tilted to the sky... Back then, there was no tv or internet to drown out the sights and sounds of the world. we have become diluted and disconnected form the earth itself. we cant hear her anymore. well my friends, that is all for now. There is definitely more to come, but in the meantime, remember to always keep that third eye open, and do not enter 1408. Good night.